sugarcravings

Ok….haven’t been good about anything lately….gained 3 lbs, but my weight fluctuates +/- 5 lbs it seems all the time.  I wish I could get past that 220 lb mark like when we were in Denver last summer.  I had actually gotten down to 210 and was doing so well.  Then we went back to NY and I went back to work for a few months and gained the weight back (due to stress no doubt).  But my weight has been put off lately at least in my brain.  I have been so focused on so many other things.  Life has a way of just bringing things to your plate that you don’t want to deal with….for instance, the finances.  The way the world is, it seems impossible to live on one income, yet that is what we have done now for over 4 years.  Things haven’t always been peachy, but we have always managed.  But lately we have been talking about buying land out west (Texas, Montana, Wyoming, etc) where we can build our own home and have animals and so forth.  But we can no where afford all that EVER if we stay on one income.  So it is frustrating because neither of us wants me to work.  My husband enjoys the home cooked meals, the house relatively clean, and the fact that I homeschool and our children are very good kids….not to say me working will undo all that, but that is how it feels.  I DO NOT want our children in school (neither does my husband) and I do not want to leave them with a babysitter/nanny, so we are left with the alternatives…me continuing to stay home, or we both work, but opposite shifts, in which case we won’t see each other.  And it’s not just because we WANT land and a nice house.  We just want out of the rat race and a simple life.  Living near DC does not offer a simple life. Everything is so crazy and fast and UNSAFE.  So we can’t just leave and head out west to lead our simpler life, because as contradictory as it sounds, it will cost MORE money to live a simpler life!  It is very frustrating….trust me we have searched many different alternatives to all this….the bottom line is we as nurses can make significantly more money here in DC even with the higher cost of living….therefore we can pay off all our debt in a year or 18 months which then we will free up a lot of money to buy the land we so dream about.  But if my husband is the only one working, then we are looking at paying off everything in more than 5 years, then having to wait another year or so until we have the money to buy that land.  So this is a no brainer I know, but going back to work means giving up the simple life in the chaotic world to get to the simple life in the simpler world.  I know I am probably not making much sense right now, but for me writing all this down has sort of freed me from all these built up feelings and thoughts, and for some reason that helps me to get on with my life instead of just sitting around THINKING all the time!  And I am just tired of thinking about all of this.  I want to get a grip on life here and move forward in whichever direction is best for my family.  So that means for TODAY, I will do the laundry, clean the apartment, do some schooling with the kids, clean out all my books and paperwork, and try to make myself smile in front of my kids…because whenever Mom is happy, then the kids automatically are happier….weird how that works sometimes.  And I will not exercise or worry about calories for today.  I caught up with my walks toward the end of the week (walked Wed, Fri, and on Sat. we went ot DC and walked all over).  Tomorrow I see a regular doctor so I can get some bloodwork done as I need to keep an eye on my liver function, and then on Tuesday I see the naturopathic doctor for my allergies.  I will be on in a few days to catch up with all my buddies and everyone else!  I miss everyone, but lately I just need a break from thinking about my weight!  But at the same time I also need to be honest about my progress and to check in for accountability sake, otherwise I will slip away and forget about my weight altogether which will just lead to more weight gain.  Oh…an FYI….not sure where the weight gain came from (those nasty 3 lbs), but I did NOT get that ice cream!  I swear!  My husband even stopped smoking because he said he was so inspired by my self control over not buying the ice cream for over 2 weeks!  So he has not bought a new pack in over 5 days now!  So that’s keeping me going right now…..hope all is well with each of you!!!

Ok, so not looking for pity here….but my husband saw a picture of me when our youngest was a year old and said (with a smile on his face): “Ahhh, you were so preggy then!”.  Now mind you we have our pictures flashing on our computer screen as a screen saver so he only saw the picture for a second or 2, but STILL!  Since I have only 3 or 4 pictures of me since she was born, I knew exactly which picture it was ( I saw it flash on the screen too), and it was me holding our daughter’s birthday cake on her first birthday!  He kept swearing it was a picture with our other daughter in it and I was pregnant with our 3rd, but NOPE, I was NOT pregnant in the picture….I was at my heaviest then (somewhere around 245 lbs, and I am now 225 lbs).  But 20 lbs is not a huge deal, and I still think I look the same in that picture….so I of course CRIED!  He of course felt HORRIBLE, but the damage was so done!  And there was no going back!  He of course would NEVER intentionally hurt me like that and probably feels more than horrible about saying what he did.  But now I am seriously depressed….all I want to do is eat (but I haven’t….had 5 Ritz crackers as a “treat”).  If I had our truck, I would have hauled the kids to the store this morning and bought that ice cream I’ve been craving!  I want to cry, I want to eat, BUT the good thing is I also want to WORK OUT and eat better….so maybe this will turn out to be a good thing as I have slacked on my walking this week already.  I told him when he gets home that I am going for a walk while he watches the kids.  Then since I have already forgiven him, I will give him a lot of love and attention after the kids go to bed!  You see, as much as I would have made him feel WORSE a few years ago when I was a typical wife, I have learned that forgiveness is one of the keys to a happy marraige!  So while I still feel depressed that I LOOKED pregnant to him, it’s not his fault!  It’s mine for being so big!  :)  But on the even SADDER note, is I am thankful I did not make him feel bad (I even woke up with him this morning and snuggled with him before he left for work)….when he walked into work this morning he was asked to start immediately (even though he was 15 min. early) because they had a 3 month old that just came in DOE.  They coded the baby, but sadly the baby did not make it.  And my dear hubby helped code the baby so he called me this afternoon on his break VERY depressed and sad.  I worked as a pediatric RN for 3 years and in the ER for 4 years, so I have had my share of baby and children codes and deaths, and it is extremely difficult to deal with each and every time.  Not only is it beyond sad to see a child die, but seeing the parents and family grieve is heartbreaking and devastating.  When my first 2 kids were babies, I couldn’t even take a relatively “healthy” baby as a patient in the ER because I would just cry (total hormones).  

So the point of this post is even though life seems to suck sometimes, someone out in this world is having even a worse time of things….it’s all on the perspective!  So if you are feeling down or depressed about your weight or other things in life, try to be thankful for the blessings you do have and remember the people who are suffering even worse situations. 

OK, I am putting this out there as I know I am not the only one who sees things this way.  It is not my imagination that Buddy slim is like high school all over again.  There are cliques, there are people who are attention seeking any way they can, and then there are the people like me who just want to meet friendly people in the same or similar situation as myself who want to support others in their journey.  But it is hard to find “acceptance” even in a place like this.  Now do not get me wrong, I do not need anyone’s acceptance to feel validated or feel better about myself.  I have always been one of those people who have 1 or 2 very close friends and a handful of friends/aquaintences from different social groups.  I have NEVER fit into any one specific “group”.  But I find it disturbing that people continue to act and treat others as if they were still in a peer-driven, social class discriminatory way.  Last week when I came back to BS after being away a few weeks due to moving, I did A LOT of reading of others blogs and the forums.  I really wanted to get more involved in this “community” as I thought it was going to be a huge help.  Well I came across a few blogs that had very recent invitations to join the Heartbreakin’ Rockstars.  I had heard about the Wildcats, but never knew what these groups were about.  So I went searching and found they were groups in the forums that compete against one another to see who could lose the most weight each week.  This sounded like a good thing for me as by nature I am a competitive person and I figured it would help significantly in my goal to lose 100 lbs.  Well after a few inquiries I was told the group was “full” and I could be put on a waiting list.  Now I neither feel hurt, nor rejected, but more irritated than anything.  How can any of those groups be full?  Aren’t they there to help others in their goals and to be a support to ALL?  I couldn’t help feel like I was not accepted because I didn’t fit a particular social image.  Of course I am sure I will be told that there are limits to the groups and it is not personal, and blah blah blah….HOWEVER if that is the case, then the first page of the all the groups should state that they are currently CLOSED to new members.  And I should not have found 2 invites to others on the same day I was told the group was closed.  Now I am just expressing irritation here.  However immediately after all this, I did feel like signing off BS for good.  But that would not help all those others like me who feel like we have to work hard to find good buddies while the attention seekers are thrown into the “limelight”.  So if you need support, but don’t know where to start or how to find it, here are a few suggestions:

1.  Do the search for buddies….start with people close to your age and close to your goals of how much weight you want to lose.

2.  With that list, browse through to see people who have recently logged on (within a week or 2).

3.  Either comment on that person’s blog or send them a personal email.  If they respond. then send a request to be their buddy. 

4.  Make sure you visit your buddies at least weekly and post a comment to let let them know you are supporting them. 

We are all busy and sometimes it is hard to find the time for one more thing, but there is power in numbers.  Even if that number is only 2 or 3.  Losing weight and aiming to be healthier is never going to be easy due to our fast food culture and the marketing ploys to get you to eat more and more of all the wrong things.  Without support, we are doomed to fail over and over again.  So if you are new or old, and find yourself slipping because you feel alone, get out there and pick yourself up and search for people in your same situation.  YOU ARE NOT ALONE!  Have a great day!!!!!

Ok, I have no one to blame but myself (obviously), but jeez….I just couldn’t get my butt out of bed this morning when hubby’s alarm went off!  I felt so bad since the other morning we had some quality time together before my walk and it was nice to talk to him without the kids interjecting every 10 seconds into out conversation! And of course I feel like a loser for NOT taking my walk!  Since hubby works 12 hours today, I cannot get a walk in…my 3 yr old needs another year or so before she will be able to keep up!  Oh well…there is always tomorrow!  But I am trying so hard to stay on track with this 13 week running program.  I was supposed to take 4 - 30 minute walks….Mon, Wed, Fri, and Sat.  This week I took 23-26minute walks on Tues, Wed, and Fri.  That is better than nothing, but I can be very type A sometimes and like to do things right the first time! 

Anyway, I thought this was too cute of a picture to pass up taking…it is my 3 yr old trying to wake up in the morning.  Out of our 3 kids, she is the only one who is just like me when it comes to mornings….she wakes up late, and needs at least 15 minutes to roll around in bed before getting up.  And if someone tries to get her up any earlier than she wants, she is grumpy the entire day!  The other 2 are up and at them as soon as their eyes open (usually somewhere around 6 or 6:30am). 

Good afternoon everyone!  I was catching up on BS and did a whole lot of reading!  I came across quite a few blogs and forums that mentioned either low iron problems or period problems.  I have had BAD periods since I was 16 and they got even worse after my second child.  We are talking bad….not pain wise, but blood flow wise.  To the point of nearly blacking out from the blood loss every month!  And we won’t even mention the tiredness and bad PMS.  Let’s just say that if I had invested in tampons and maxi pads when I was 16 I would be a millionaire by now (LOL!).  Well of course my iron has been low all these years and yes I have taken iron pills and increased my red meat consumption without seeing a significant rise in my iron or change in my periods….that is until last fall.  I have been doing a lot of reading in alternative medicine and naturopathic healing.  And here is what I learned and KNOW that it works:

1.  If you have bad heavy periods, you more than likely have low iron…not neccesarily anemia.  If you have a standard blood test, low iron will not be detected unless you have specific iron studies done.  I had a very normal red blood cell count, but my iron stores were near zero! 

2.  You need to take an iron supplement along WITH a B complex witamin AND Vitamin C.  The Vitamin C helps the body absorb the iron and the B vitamins are necessary for creating new red blood cells.  If you do not have enough fiber in your diet you may need to take a laxative to prevent the constipation that iron pills can cause.  I have taken Senna, by Nature’s Way….it is a natural laxative/fiber supplement.  Instead of taking a Vitamin C pill, I just take my iron and B vitamin with orange juice every morning.

 After taking the iron and vitamins for 2 months, my period blood flow reduced by over HALF of what is had been!  I was perplexed….I thought that if I was creating more red blood cells, I should be bleeding more, not less.  But here is the rationale from my husband: While your body is building up the utuerus lining, what is it preparing for?  Yep…a baby!  Now your body does not know it is not going to get pregnant even if you are using birth control.   (Unless you are using a form that completely stops ovulation).  Now if you have low iron stores, the body will actually ”prepare” more blood in your utuerus in case of pregnancy….it has to protect the potential fetus….in other words: if you have low iron, the body fears it will not have enough “food” for the baby so it prepares significantly more than what is needed….survival of the species!  So your uterus is filled with significantly more blood and when your period comes along, you have a very heavy period.  The cycle repeats itself because now your iron stores are even LOWER than before!  In order to get your body to prepare an “average” amount of blood prior to your period, you need to have normal iron stores.  So your periods should become significantly lighter if low iron is your problem and you correct your iron problem.   All I know is I have gone from being tired 5-6 days of the month around my period (SIGNIFICANT tiredness) to being somewhat tired only for 2 days.  I have also gone from using a full big box of super tampons and a whole bag of super maxi pads to half a box of combined regular/super tampons.  But the biggest change is I have my life back for the one week my period stole from me every month.  I couldn’t even exercise or go out as I had to be close to a bathroom at all times during those 5-6 days.   

I apologize for the “graphic” content of this blog post, but if it helps one person, then it will be well worth putting some very personal stuff out there!  Please do not hesitate to ask questions, or add your own useful tips!  We need to help each other, especially for those very personal matters! 

Good morning Buddyslim!  It is 7:30am and this is what I have already accomplished: prayer time at 5 am, morning walk at 5:30am (25 minutes), called sheriff’s office to report suspicious activity, snuggled with hubby for a few minutes before he went off to work, took a shower, and caught up on emails.  Now one thing I MUST point out: I HAVE NEVER EVER been a morning person!! Yes, you read that right!  NEVER!! From the time I was 5 years old, I can remember HATING to get up in the morning for school.  I didn’t hate school at that time, I just hated waking up!  When I worked as a nurse for 10 years, 9 of those years was working NIGHTS intentionally! So if you think you cannot possibly become a morning person, I am LIVING PROOF that you can!!!!  It just takes diligence!  The first morning I tried getting up with my husband at 5 am, I went right back to sleep, but I didn’t let it deter me from trying the next morning!  My goal right now is to walk 4 days a week.  At least 3 of those I need to get up at 5am to get a walk in before my husband leaves for work.  So I am not waking up early everyday, but I am finding that on my “days off” I am gettting up earlier and feeling more refreshed! 

So anyway, this morning I was walking past a creek and noticed a child’s bike on its side next to the creek.  It was relatively close to the street, but the bike was not dented as if it got hit by a car.  Also the bike was very new!  So it was VERY suspicious that a new kid’s bike was lying next to a creek at 6am in the morning.  So I called the sheriff’s office and they agreed it didn’t sound right so they were going to send out a patrol car and go over the area of the creek.  I just pray whoever owns that bike is ok.     

Well today is chicken day!  I bought a whole chicken (organic) and plan the following:

1.  For today I will put it in my Crockpot and cover it with about 2 cups of water.  Then I will add salt, pepper, and basil.  Set it on low and let it cook all day!  Then for dinner we will have chicken, garlic potatoes, and corn (YUM!).

2.  I will take all the chicken off the bones and put in refrigerator.  Keep the liquid and bones in the Crockpot and put in fridge.

3.  Tomorrow I will pull out Crockpot and set to low.  It will simmer for 6-8 hours and then I will strain it.  I will add more water if necessary and cooked whole wheat egg noodles, left over chicken, celery, and carrots, and cook for 1 hour more.  Then we will have homemade chicken soup for dinner!  More YUM!!!

I never thought I would or could make homemade chicken soup, but it is SOOO easy!  My soup does not have a lot of liquid so it is mostly chicken, noodles, and vegetables.  I do not add boullion cubes as I like the authentic taste!  The first time I made it I really thought it would be a bust as I had no idea what I was doing and was not following any recipe (just instinct).  But my husband came home from work (he took the leftovers for lunch as he did not get to have any the night before) and RAVED on and on about how it was the best soup he has ever had!  I thought he was just trying to boost my ego, but he asked if I could make it again soon and when I did, he took it all to work!  So from now on chicken soup will be a weekly staple!  LOL!

Well I need to get moving some more….lots to do today!  Hope all is well and like Nike says: “Just Do It!”

Hello Everyone!  I am SOOOOO happy to be back online!  I did some offline writing for this blog during the last few weeks.  So I am copying and pasting it all here…have fun reading!  It has been a very long few weeks but in the end I am the winner!  Looking forward to catching up, meeting new buddies, and being a better buddy myself!

4/5/09

Well I still do not have internet, so I will be putting this into my blog as soon as I get connected again!  But I really miss writing!  Not that I wrote all that often, but with this recent move, I realized just how important it had become to me to write down my thoughts and feelings.  So I will add this “entry” and any future ones into my blog in one whole entry….there may be a lot to read!  LOL! 

The move down to
Maryland was uneventful.  It was supposed to rain all day, but we only got a little drizzle.  We were able to unload our trailer on the same day and I was unpacked within 5 days.  I would have been done sooner, but I ended up in the emergency room (2 days BEFORE our insurance kicked in) because of a severe allergic reaction.  We went out to eat and even though I ate nothing that I was allergic to, there must have been some cross contamination.  So not fun!  So now I am coming down off the steroids (again…not so fun).  I thought for sure I would have gained weight this week with all the stress and steroids, but in fact I weighed myself today and lost 3 pounds!  But what I noticed is that my sugar cravings are nothing since leaving NY.  I’ve had a little bit of ice cream and one of the kids’ snack packs, but nothing else….the whole week!  That’s not even
NORMAL for me!  I have even cut my coffee intake down to 1 cup a day from 3-4.  I can’t blame it on the steroids as they usually increase one’s appetite, but for some reason, mine has gone down and I am NOT complaining! 

The weather this week has been perfect…60-70 degrees every day with a lot of sunshine.  The kids and I have been walking everyday and while they walk at a slower pace, I still am feeling like I am getting back into shape.  There is no Bally’s nearby, so I will be exercising here at “home”.  I have an exercise ball and some free weights.  Tomorrow is the first day of my walk/run program.  I read “Running for Mortals” by John Bingham and Jenny Hadfield.  Completely AWESOME book!  I ran track in high school, and always wanted to run for keeping in shape, but I ALWAYS overdid it!  I ended up too tired or injured and quit after a few weeks.  This book explains everything!  And it gives multiple plans for different objectives.  It also gives multiple phases within each plan for different starting points (not so fit, fitter, and fittest).  Since I am not so fit, I am starting phase I of the weight loss program.  The first 4 weeks are only walking….each phase is 13 weeks long.  I know I will get frustrated, but the authors STRESS the critical importance of following the program exactly as written to avoid injury.  I am stressing already about only walking for 4 weeks as I know I will not be able to lose my weekly goal of 2-3 pounds.  BUT I know I will be able to lose more in the future when I start incorporating the running in.  I also have had a personal heart to heart with myself about my calorie intake.  This week of eating more normal (as opposed to over-eating) has taught me to be very vigilant about what I put into my mouth.  Maybe I can lose 2 pounds a week even while only walking.  I just have to be STRONG!  J

Need to run and get dinner started.  Will be writing again soon!

4/6/09

OK then…I failed BIG time this morning!  The alarm went off at 5 am and did I get up?  NOPE!  I shut it off and went back to sleep….did not even raise my head off the pillow.  Well my husband’s alarm went off at 5:30 and did I get up then?  NOPE!  I had a whole hour before he had to leave for work!  Had my workout clothes at my BEDSIDE!  But was WAY too tired to get my fat lazy body out of bed!  Now I am sure a lot of people may be asking why on earth I just don’t walk at another time during the day…but here is my dilemma…my husband has been working MEGA hours….excess of over 60 hours this week alone.  If I wait til he gets home so he can watch the kids while I exercise, then I lose out on time with him.  And since my marriage is extremely important to me, I am not ready to compromise it on a daily basis.  Now today I will ask him to watch the kids so I can take a walk because I am committed to exercising, but that means I have to try extra hard tomorrow to get up early.  I would try to have quality time in the morning before he leaves for work, but neither of us are morning people.  That is my first “excuse”.  I am all about the philosophy of NO EXCUSES….but I need to get them out so I can re-read them and realize how pathetic I am and motivate myself even more!  SO bear with me.  As I said, excuse number 1 is I am not a morning person.  Excuse #2 is I stay up too late watching TV or reading.  I have to try programming myself to get to sleep earlier.  The only way to make myself that tired at night is to start getting up early!  (I really hate catch 22’s!).  And excuse #3 is that our 3 year old still thinks it’s ok to get into bed with us during the night.  I have been trying to train her to stay in her own bed, but that requires me getting up 2-3 times a night to move her back in her own bed and deal with her crying.  I would allow her to cry it out, but my husband needs his sleep since he works long hours and I know her crying would wake him up.  Another catch 22 really.  But the waking up multiple times during the night lately has taken its toll.  Again, these are excuses that I need to realize are sabotaging my brain and body!  I need to realize that losing weight is going to take some serious hard work….including lack of sleep for a few days to get my body adjusted.  So I need to suck it up and deal with it!   

4/7/09

OK, well I sucked it up this morning and headed out at 5:10 am!  The problem…had no winter gear and it was 38 degrees with a nasty wind.  Could have done the 38 degrees with no problem, but the wind chill was too low for my exposed face, hands, and ears!  I lasted 7 minutes!  Of course that is 7 minutes longer than I did yesterday, so I guess it’s a positive thing, BUT I am still beating myself up.  The other positive is I went grocery shopping yesterday and did not buy one sweet thing!  Woo-hoo!  I had quite a bit of cravings since yesterday as I am now withdrawing from the prednisone.  Not only does it create the cravings, BUT it causes temporary lapses in sanity!  I went crazy over 3-4 times yesterday alone and this morning is not looking good!  All I want is sugar, sugar, sugar!  So this morning I gave in a little by making whole wheat pancakes.  And yes I had that maple syrup (the pure kind).  Thankfully it was enough to satisfy the cravings (for now). 

On to the topic of food:  I bought 4 more books yesterday as the local library is defunct in healthy books.  There was a health food place not too far away and they had a ton of books.  I bought one on eating a raw diet, one on juicing (I have a juicer, but never know what to make with it), “The Maker’s Diet” (another book based on what God intended us to eat), and another book on how food affects our body and the health benefits of specific foods.  I am one of those people who jump into things and end up failing because I go gung-ho instead of taking steps.  So this time I am taking steps to leading a more healthier life.  After reading “What the Bible says about Healthy Eating”, I just wanted to throw everything away and start over, but that is not realistic.  A lot of time and research needs to be done.  I looked into finding a local food co-op to buy whole wheat, but couldn’t find one, so I will have to look elsewhere.  In the meantime, I will be buying whole wheat bread and flour.  Not the best, but much better than the white flour alternative.  I even bought whole wheat pancake mix.  I thought the kids would hate it but instead they wanted more and more!  I am also buying more organic fruit and veggies, but again that is hard because there is not a big market for it here.  So now I am looking into buying a share at a local farm for summer produce ($400 for the whole season!).  And it’s an organic farm!  Again, not the perfect option, BUT it provides us with healthier produce for at least the next 3 months while we are here.  So while eating a more whole, natural diet seems overwhelming, I realized that if I took it one step at a time, I will eventually get there.  Going gung-ho will only overwhelm me and I will set myself up for failure.  This philosophy of course applies to my exercise endeavors.  I wanted to start my 13 week plan yesterday, but realized that walking 30 minutes was a lot for me the first week, so I will take it in small increments (7, 10, 20, then 30). 

Right now as I write this, I am telling my kids to leave me alone and be quiet.  I am so not a good mother right now.  My irritability levels are so high and I just want to run away from myself!  All the healthy eating at this point won’t stop the prednisone withdrawal symptoms and right now I just have to get through them! 

4/9/09

Well now….the last 2 days have been crazy.  On the night of the 7^th I suffered another severe allergic reaction, and this time we had eaten at home.  I wrote down everything I ate and compared it with what I ate at the restaurant last week and the only 2 things that were similar were red meat and onions.  Since I have never heard of an allergy to red meat, I am assuming it was the onions.  I will be going to an allergist soon and maybe getting skin tested again.  I do not like the fact that I have developed 3-4 new allergies over the past 3 years.  Anyway I had to take another trip to the ED and get dosed with Epinepherine and steroids again.  So not happy!  BUT I have rebounded…we did not get home until almost 1am and Joe had to work at 7am…so he got very little sleep.  And I had to get up with the kids…I was beyond exhausted but managed to keep the house in decent order at least.  Today is our 2^nd’s birthday…she turned 6 years old.  We managed to make a happy birthday sign for her and get presents.  I also managed to rearrange furniture this morning to make sewing more convenient.  BUT the biggest accomplishment was I got up with Joe this morning at 5:30am and went for a 30 minute walk!  I figured that the prednisone is going to make me crazy again, so instead of just accepting it, I will try to deflect it with better eating and exercising.  It was 40 degrees, only 2 degrees warmer than the last time I walked, BUT there was NO wind!  So I wore 3 layers and headed out.  It was invigorating!  I was only going to walk for 20 minutes, but the cool air felt so good and I just wanted to keep going.  Part of my walking/running program was to spend more time with the Lord praying.  Since it is not safe to be exercising outside with headphones on, I figured it would be a good time to pray. Of course the first walk I was too cold to think about anything but my frozen face.  And this time, I almost forgot, but 3 minutes into my walk, I noticed a beautiful lit up statue in someone’s yard of the Virgin Mary, and it hit me hard.  How could I possibly forget to pray?  Well it’s easy when one has a million thoughts running through their head about what needs to be done for the day.  So I was extremely grateful for that homeowner who had the statue in their yard all lit up as I would have missed it as it was dark out.  So I spent the next 27 minutes praying and being thankful for all the wonderful things in my life.  It was truly a wonderful walk and made me a happier person indeed today. 

Well off to bake a cake and take the kids to the park.  Hopefully I will get in some homeschooling with them today and sewing.  At one of Joe’s per diem jobs, he does not have to wear designated colored scrubs, so I plan to make him 3 new tops…one Batman, one Spider-man, and one military one.  He left all but 3 of his tops back home in storage by mistake, so he needs a bigger wardrobe.  After his second day wearing another Batman scrub top, a lady asked him if she could pay me to make her some tops with fabric she was going to buy.  So by me making him more, I can potentially sell more!  He is my walking billboard! 

4/16/09

Well it has been a week since writing last.  We have been keeping very busy…luckily with no trips to the emergency room!  J  I made 5 scrub tops and listed them on Ebay.  Hopefully they will sell for a few bucks!  I am now in the process of expanding my sewing capabilities.  I am going to start making pajama bottoms….mostly for guys.  They love the kind with sports teams and such, so I thought I would try to make them. 

Anyway, I have started my “running” program.  The first 4 weeks are just 30 minute walks, 4 times a week.  I was supposed to start on Monday, but ended up starting Tuesday.  My walks ended up to be 4-5 minutes short of 30 minutes because I underestimated the circle I walked.  But the fact that I am on track is great!  Today is a non-walking day, but I have to incorporate 30-40 minutes of strength training in.  We have free weights and an exercise ball here at our apartment, so I am all set.  I miss Bally’s, but hopefully the next place we go there will be a Bally’s close by. 

I have already lost some weight…had to get my belt out!  Of course it is my “fat” belt, but it’s a belt nonetheless!  My “skinny” belts will come out in another 15 lbs.  I weighed in on Sunday and was 225!  Of course I tried weighing myself yesterday (a non-weigh-in day) and was 227 because my monthly friend is due today.  I should not have weighed myself, but could not help it!  I WILL wait again until Sunday!  I think the excitement just got the best of me!  As much as the allergic reactions were scary and put me in a state of fear, it has helped me to be even more careful and actually THINK about EVERYTHING I put in my mouth!  I am going to attempt the Maker’s Diet I described above.  But right now I am just trying to make some big changes in that direction.  If I just start the diet one day soon, I am afraid of sending my body into shock, and right now my body cannot handle any more shock.  So right now here are the changes we have made:

Eating all organic meats and fish…my next goal is to buy only meat from grass fed only animals. 

Eating no pork whatsoever…my kids keeping asking for bacon or sausage, so this is a hard one.

Eating more organic fruits and vegetables.  My 3 year old has a hard time with vegetables.  The one way I got her to eat broccoli was to start giving them the V8 fruit/vegetable juices.  It tastes like fruit juice, but has vegetables in it too.  So that is another change…having them drink V8 instead of straight fruit juice.

Eating butter and milk products made from raw milk and drinking raw milk.  This is also a hard one as raw milk is illegal in most states to sell, but we found friends willing to share theirs.  Now before you go “Oh my gosh…RAW MILK? THAT’S INSANE!”, I would encourage you to read up on it.  As a nurse, I am well aware of the dangers of bacteria and whatnot, but what I read about raw milk was beyond interesting and I am VERY excited to make the switch! 

Eating all whole-wheat products.  Now making my own bread and pasta from my own bag of wheat is my ultimate goal, but that is not possible right now, so we will do our best by buying only whole-wheat and nothing made with white flour. 

Now if anyone has any questions about the above, please feel free to ask and I will give as much details as possible. 

I have been a lot less fearful of eating now.  And it is not just because of the change in our diet or the vigilance I put on reading labels.  I started another book and another journey…but this one is a spiritual journey.  First I started reading the Bible from the beginning to see for myself what God says about food.  I am now in Exodus.  Then I found a great book…”Becoming the Woman God Wants Me To Be”.  It is a 90 day journey to becoming more like the Proverbs 31 woman.  I started on Monday along with my 13 week running program.  So I should finish both programs the same week.  But anyway, all I can say is I already feel more at peace about everything!  I have always been the type of person who throws up “flare prayers” when in crisis.  I have done daily prayers here and there, but never stuck with anything because I never made it a habit.  But this book not only gives daily prayers and Bible passages, it helps transform the things in your life that need transforming.  The author teaches home business ideas, home managing tips, organization tips, and relationship tips.  There are so many other things in the book as well, but she really goes into HOW to change your life along with the WHY. 

Well I need to get the kids dressed, get myself doing the weights, take a shower, start sewing, get in some school work, and take the kids to the park as it is a BEAUTIFUL day!  Hope everyone has a great day!

Hi all!

I have taken quite a break from BS as we are in the process of moving.  We will be going from NY to MD a week from today.  We are all excited, but there is a TON of work that needs to be done and of course whenever I am overwhelmed with things to do, I eat and don’t exercise.  But this time is a little different.  Yes, I have not exercised in about 5 or 6 days. And yes I have eaten more than I should.  BUT, during this time of instability, I have started doing a lot of reading in my down time.  I should exercise but there is no room in my house and can’t go out as my husband is in the process of working 9 - 12 hour shifts in a row.  So asking him to watch the kids for 30 minutes so I can take a walk would just not be right!  And my 3 year old is just not able to keep up a steady pace for 30 minutes straight!  Her legs are just too small!  :) 

Anyway….there are a few VERY AWESOME books I am reading.  The first is “Running for Mortals”. I already read in all (in 2 days).  It is the best book on running I have ever come across!  I want to start running, but have overdone it in the past and I do NOT want to injure myself being this overweight.  The author started running when he was 43!  And 75lbs overweight!  So this is not a book written by some fitness guru…it is from someone who understands where I am coming from!!!  I LOVE this book and would recomend it for everyone who is overweight!!! 

The other book is “What The Bible Says About Healthy Living” and it’s companion cookbook.  Now I have only read the first 3 chapters so far, but it is another AMAZING book!  I have been interested in eating a more natural diet, but have not been able to just do it.  The guy who wrote this is a doctor who has insulin dependent diabetes.  One day he got so frustrated with all of his health problems and turned to the Bible.  You do not need to be a Christian to read this and benefit from this book.  It goes into great detail about why eating like the Bible says is SOOOOO healthy for one’s body.  I am truly inspired by his personal story and how healthy he is now.  I have had my own share of health problems and can truly see how the food I have eaten most of my life has basically destroyed me.  BUT the bonus part is that our bodies are resilient and we can reverse a lot of damage just by changing what we eat.  It is not about calorie counting or points or “diet” foods.  It just explains how and why we should eat a more natural diet and the benefits it can offer our bodies, mind, and spirit. 

So I am not in the process of losing weight to just lose weight and be more healthy.  I am in the process of changing our entire view of food, exercise, and body image.  There are a lot of hurdles I am anticipating (especially with my husband and children).  But I am convinced that we all need to change how and what we eat even though I am the only one who is overweight.  I want to actually LIVE and not just survive another day.  I want to be ALIVE and not tired all the time.  I want to PLAY with my husband and children instead of being irritable most of the time.  I WANT TO CHANGE!!!!!!!!

Hey everyone!  I have been a very bad buddy lately….not getting on and reading everyone’s blogs and writing comments.  Things have been super crazy and I may not be on here for some time.  You see, we are moving (YAY!!!!!).  My husband will be doing the traveling nurse thing again so we will not know where we are heading until a week or 2 before.  And his contracts last13 weeks….so we move every 3 months.  This is good news because living here at our house made me sick before with all the mold (it’s area wide…not specific to our house….because we live within 2 miles of Lake Ontario).  We were going to try selling it, but the market is just bad and we would have lost a lot of money.  But my sister in law who is getting divorced from my brother will be living here with her 2 kids.  So I will be spending the next few weeks cleaning and packing and we may leave anywhere from 2 -4 weeks depending on which job my husband gets. 

Anyway, I got on the scale and STILL have not lost….in fact I gained 2 lbs.  But my period is due anyday and I always gain between 5-7 lbs.  So I will have to weigh in again next week and just focus on monthly weigh ins, not weekly.  But I did do my measurements and lost over 1 inch in my waist!  But gained 1/2 inch on my thighs and 1/2 inch on my thighs.  And I gained one whole inch on my chest!!!  Arms stayed the same.  So I am not losing the fat as fast as I hoped.  I know I am gaining a lot of muscle from the weight training.  But my body just doesn’t want to burn the fat faster!  I know a lot has to do with my diet, so I will now focus on that.  The only thing that ever worked for me was keeping a calorie journal.  I lost 15 pounds doing that in only4 weeks.  So I know I have to get back on the ball!  I just HATE counting calories!  And I will not start now….I will have to start when we get to our new place as we tend to eat out a lot when we are in traveling mode.  I am going to have to learn to eat better eating out….but I always give in to my cravings.  But hopefully this time I will do better! 

So I hope everyone is doing well and I will miss everyone!  But I need to get my house packed away in order for us to move!  Take care until next time!!